golf, gambling and excuses

In Vegas I played 4 times and had to use rentals and tennis shoes and shot pretty badly, 120, 103, 104 and 110. I stopped taking mulligans and counting every stroke, no kicking the ball from under a tree and stuff. I couldn't hit the driver there at all and I kept saying I wish I had my clubs. Well I went out today with my family and I shot 103 from the whites at a course I've played probably 30+ times. I had some wicked slices on my driver/hybrids and hit a house. Got out the old 5 iron and just hit that off the tee most holes, which is basically what I did in Vegas. Still had some good holes but a lot of shit too. Definitely need to go to the driving range but the one near my house is closed b/c it's municipally owned and the city workers are on strike here.

Somehow my bro shot an 83 when he usually hits 100-110. Idk how he did it but it made me look pretty bad lol. Still was fun. Haven't driven in a while and I really love going out at night in my car. Just nice to slow things down and get some time to think as long as the thoughts aren't really destructive. I'm just chilling out to Bright Eyes now kinda bored. Checked facebook, twitter, TG, sngmentors and read a bit of a book. When I don't play poker/read about it, I guess I don't have a whole lot else to do. I played once this week for a few hours, won a 180, thought I was running ok and won a few hundred. I had a ton of 30-40k stacks turn into 4th or 5th but whatever. Still stuff seemed fast so going to take a while to get back into it. Having the buyin and tourny size in the tab is pretty nice.

I've also realized that I really like drinking, not necessarily to excess, but having a couple for no general reason. I used to think that that was a problem, like I had some alcohol addiction, but that's probably just me trying to find an excuse for my sometimes depressing life, or maybe I was thinking I drink to escape that. I often overanalyze things, tell myself I have generalized anxiety disorder and am not very well rounded. I think I like to find excuses for why I don't have a really normal life/social life. It makes sense though. I gamble for a living and a lot of more inactive social things I do I find boring, I can't find that much pleasure in them. I saw Transformers 2 the other night and was pretty bored, it wasn't a very good movie but still I was thinking of all the fun I had in Vegas and I am still wondering why I left. There's definitely bad effects on your brain/reward system when you gamble for a living. A lower dosage of dopamine is probably released doing normally fun activities like playing pool because the whole reward system from gambling is totally fucked over.

It's not like it's a huge problem. Just me rationalizing this and trying to explain why I don't enjoy some things as much as I used to. I think I like to make excuses so I don't have to do things that I get nervous about or dislike.

I'm going in to get tested for some hereditary disease that is pretty common in my family on Tuesday. There's a decent chance I have it. It's not fatal but having it is a bitch. Run good in health once I guess.